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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

? So this is goodbye ¿


314th post, and this is goodbye.
Few minutes into 2009, and this is also goodbye.
To 2008, to this eventful year, to this love & joy filled much blog.

I start the year in a clean new slate.

Moved to a better, happy place.
http://scriptedrama.blogspot.com/

I don't ask for anything on new year's day but just everything to get better & best.

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trick or treat? @ 11:47 PM

? You know I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind ¿


What a way to start the last day of 2008, the eve of the first day of 2009.

Not a fascinating way, but heart warming.
Because of you.

The longest & also the best conversation we had. Not better or longer than the ones we had when we were all good. But guess what? I was shaking when you said hello. My palms were perspiring, body shaking, heart racing. I never felt this way after mom & dad left for Beijing. I can always calm myself down easily but this time felt so..different. Why is it so difficult to, I don't know. I thought you were gonna throw into a fit and start being nasty to me but who knew the talk is looking good.

Fucking glad, fucking fucking relieved.
Despite what took place last noon.
Don't blame me for being angry. I mean, natural reaction right? You probably don't give two fucks about it if it were me but because I do, that's why I reacted this way. But then on my way home, I thought if I were in the same position, I'd do the same. I should've understand. My bad.
But I'm all good now, and you know that.

Honestly, I had a lot more than just that to ask you. Like why didn't you ask, why didn't you come, what if I asked you out, do you miss me, do you think of me, do you wish i was right where you were, do you wish i was there to listen to you, do you wish this whole episode didn't took place & all that. I'm sure you can feel it too. I just..didn't have that much amount of courage to ask and not get upset with your reply. Plus you weren't asking me anything, saying you've gotten all the answers you needed..which make me feel like I shouldn't ask too much just so I won't irritate you. Maybe not tonight. I don't know when would I have a chance to talk to you like this again but I hope there will be a chance.

"Be there as much as possible, because that's the only time I can be near you, be close to you, being in your presence, at every possible moment of your life. Is it too big a request?"

Every possible moment of your life.
I wish you were nearer, I wish you were here.

You know I will spill my heart & let the emotions & thoughts of you flow here in my only outlet, any day. If you ever think that no one cares or loves you, please know you still have me darling.
Because I love you too, always have & always will.


I've waited so long to prove that I'm in love with you, will every door that's open lead me straight to you?

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trick or treat? @ 3:01 AM

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

? The heart of a sensitive person suffers too much to love ¿


 
To find someone you love, you've gotta be someone you love.

M: Don't give a fuck la

Yeh I won't, I am not going to. I did but I am not going to now. Super pissed off/jealous/exasperated with you & your stupid ways, stupid thinking. Go, just go hide in your own shell & be stubborn for all I fucking care!

Before leaving for school, I received my parcels! The Forever21 stuff I bought arrived yay! The Chanel necklace & earstuds arrived too hohoho totally made my morning better, other than missing the yummy lunch I looked forward to have. School was pretty okay today. We ended up having lunch in school. Chicken cutlet yumz! Naidu was nagging like a bitch, which is very very him so whatever. The walk to the train station was plaining cursing and swearing, filled with angst. Took train back home with Marc! Quite silent because poor boy is still down with sore throat. He already planned not to attend Friday's class but I have to be there for Shim's presentation... Will see how!

I am also pissed that you went off without letting me see you properly. Tamade, laoniang now damn hot ah >:@


So where does one find love? There's the first kiss. The sloppy kiss. The peck. The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss. The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss. The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad sometimes kiss. The I know your tongue like the back of my hand kiss.

But one kiss levitates above all the others. The intersection of function & desire. The I do kiss. The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

I am so annoyed now with so many things. GG is loading very very slowly, buay tahan. And I have no photos to upload today :( Yan just told me what the whole show is gonna be like -.- I AM VERY UPSET THAT LILY ISN'T GOING TO MARRY RUFUS I LOVE THEM TOGETHER :( :( And I like how Blair and Nate are still together despite the mistakes they've made. I also like how Dan & Serena is so omfg-i-am-envious-and-very-jealous sweet & loving together :) :)

I will continue with GG now heh heh I need to plan where to go tomorrow, not stay in & think of your stupid ways & get all emotional. Hmph, GG will cheer me up tata!

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trick or treat? @ 9:15 PM

? I'm all for you, body and soul ¿


I miss you.
And I have been missing you for a while.

Gossip Girl makes me happy, just like how reading Twilight does. And now, New Moon. Though it's kinda boring now 'cos the part I'm reading Edward is not around. I hope he comes back soon to excite things once again.

We were supposed to meet up at 12 for Swensen's at Holland V but apparently our Little Miss Late is still asleep. Yes at 12. I can happily kiss my lunch goodbye now. I was looking forward to it. (insert sad face here)

Last Tuesday of 2008, tomorrow's the last day of 2008.
I am not looking forward to it at all. I don't even have plans. Other than family dinner at Seafood Paradise at Singapore Flyer tomorrow night. After that, I want to have plans!! (inserts frown face here) Jemi is with boyfriend, I bet Shim would be too. So is Yan, defo with M & the sisters. J is being an irritating pest, waiting for me to ask her out while I'm waiting for her to ask me out (HAHAHA). I wonder if Jon, Ted & Merl are going anywhere tomorrow. I think they are. But where I do not know. Wait..why am I worry so much I do not welcome 2009 so I should not countdown & stay home and emo!!

Ok actually I should welcome 2009 because it is gonna be a much better year for me, riiiiight? (inserts happy face here)

Danica & I are complaining how we don't wanna attend today's class but I know you'll be there so I should attend. Recalling what you said to me last night, all the more I should go. I know it is gonna hurt a little when I see VVS40TTNG & not me in the passenger seat but still, I wanna be there at every possible moment in your life.

I'm gonna continue with GG until Jemi calls me.
kz l8r GG + school for naw ^^

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trick or treat? @ 11:42 AM

? I was just living in the moment & the moment was all about you ¿




Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go

I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you

Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best

You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go

Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...


x

I think you'd ever only strike a conversation with me when you need my help or thank me for something. So it will start with 'thank you' with your favourite double chin smiley & end with 'welcome' or 'no problem' plus a smiley of my liking.

I'm sure it is not so hard to talk to me.. Or is it really this hard? I guess I made it this hard. I'm sorry.

But tonight I think this is the longest conversation we ever had between us after that we-all-know-because-of-what-stupid-things-I-did conversation. Yay or nay?

Yay for me but nay for you.

x

I like what we have now because there is this home feeling with you, not because of this complicated platonic relationship. I don't wanna go into talking about us again because I know after that you're gonna start behaving all weirdly, tell me things I don't wanna hear or things that would hurt me & the pain would last for a few days. I don't want that to happen. I wanna keep things how we're like now. Close like lovers are but inside, I don't know where your heart lies but I know the home of my heart is your heart.

"Your heart said so."
"No, I'm sure it didn't. Although my heart is nearer to you than it is to me, I am sure it wouldn't say that of you. My heart knows that I love you."

And next? I had to change topic with a snap of my fingers before you start your nonsense again. See how much I don't wanna hear what I don't wanna hear? I really like what we do together. Having plans for the next outing, next next outing, next next next outing just like before. Having plans to meet up with mutual friends for dinner or just to catch up over coffee, shop for the same things together, things you like = things I like, I know what you hate most & vice versa, knowing what each other is craving to have for dinner at that very moment, without having to ask we both know what we're thinking about just by exchanging glances.
You're the lover kind of best friend, the best friend kind of lover.
I don't think I can ever live without you, darling.


I've been trying to cheer you up, put my unhappy self behind so it wouldn't affect your mood at all. And right now, I am so fucking drained. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Bedtime, g'night xx

But this close to crazy, is far from over you.

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trick or treat? @ 3:38 AM

Monday, December 29, 2008

? Love is nothing like it should be ¿


 
 Love me, because loves doesn't exist, & I have tried everything that does.

I had quite a blast today with J, the last Monday of 2008 :)

School was pretty alright. I weren't listening most of the time. Klissmas lunch was good :) Since when lunch wasn't good with the girls? More prease!

After lunch, I headed over to Cathay to meet J. Accompanied her to lunch at Plaza by the Park's Kopitiam, sat around & discussed about the birthday celebration. It was about time for our movie so we walked back to Cathay.

Guess what, Twilight was very very good. Fabulous. I love it!

 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
E & B ♥

They make me want to be a vampire too. Be with the one you love forever & never die. Go without sleep for years and never get limited edition Gucci eye bags. Have perfect complexion. Strength. Speed. I want :(

I think I will watch it again.

After the movie, it was around 6pm. We went over to Clarke Quay. Wanted to have dinner at Fisherman's Wharf but the stench was unbearable. Didn't wanna smell bad after dinner either! So we took a train back to my place & had Ajisen instead :) Bumped into Yan (L)(L)(L) who's sick & back from KL!!!!! We exchanged presents & she got me this leopard & zebra printed buffers! Cuuuuute I like :) Thank you bff <3

We were early so we did the usual thing. Sat around at the park to talk. We had a lot of fun today, didn't we J? Laughing & teasing people, the jokes & all that. I love today :)

 
  
  
Right: I was laughing............
 
  
  
SO FAKE SIA
 
  
  
  
First attempt: FAILED
 
Second attempt: NOT TOO BAD
 
Third attempt: PERFECT LA

I am not going to do the assignment because I am very very tired. I only had few hours of sleep. I keep waking up throughout the night for god knows what reasons for god knows who. I am going to sleep without even doing Naidu's homework. Goodnight sugarbabies.

P/s: Thank you :) Happy 19th xoxo!
P/p/s: Yan wo ai ni hen duo, prease get well soon so we can go picnic karaoke shopping movie idk whatever everything anything wo ai ni! (L)

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trick or treat? @ 11:28 PM

? But you're afraid in ways that I can't comprehend ¿


There's gotta be a reason for the rain.

I'm fucking early. I woke up at 6.30am. Zel was up at 6.50am for CCA fair. Stupid. I was ready to leave at 7.15am, much earlier than every other day. So I came on & watched Gossip Girl.

Yeh at 7 frikkin' am in the morning.

I was thinking if I should start on the homework Naidu give us, tsk. Assignments are not enough, still give homework :(

My eyez r so painfool & I love Blair. Serena's pretty. I h8 Vanessa's existance. I luv Gossip Girl.

Yayz klissmas lunch & Twilight l8r ^^

  Ah Jems is still not done, I shall continue with GG.
I promise a proper update tonight!

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trick or treat? @ 7:27 AM

? You're what keeps me believing this world's not gone dead ¿


Why can't stop thinking of you, get all breathless when you're near?

I am starting to dislike things that reminds me of you. It's almost everything. What have we not done when we're together. It's the things we do & enjoy together that reminds me of you. They never fail to. I wish they would stop. I wonder how you do it like you do. You go about everyday without a single thought of me, keep laughing & keep being happy with your friends but why can't I?

When we agreed it was lust, that your lips were on mine, I was happy. Now I want it back again. I want that very moment. Every single moment. With you. I'm at my best when I am with you. Why can't you see it?

It's not that I do not want to let go. I want to because I've been upset so long, long enough for a seed to blossom into a beautiful flower & I'm still here missing you, tearing away, watching the clip of happy memories. I don't want to because..because..I don't know. Something stops me, I don't know what is it. Seems like my heart knows you'd come home to me after all, that's why I am not willing to let it go.

You're the reason why I don't wanna leave 2008 for the happy memories we've made & go into 2009 without you at all.


P/s: Happy 19th. Though it was a bad start cos we spoke of her just now. But I love you anywayz.
P/p/s: Tomorrow is going to be better because school + lots of love kissmas lunch with Jems & Shim + Twilight and cheap kopitiam dinner with J :)
P/p/p/s: I am already in the midst of saving up & planning for the surprise, yay or nay?

We had a love, but we still said goodbye.

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trick or treat? @ 3:08 AM

Sunday, December 28, 2008

? But I've been thinking of you, got these far away blues ¿


Tonight was great.
The opera was fabulous, distracted by every thought of you that comes into my head once in awhile. Supper was even better, the happy couple behind reminded me so much of how things used to be.

I find myself thinking of you more when I try not to. The more I tell myself I should have fun tonight because I deserve to, the lesser fun I have. But tonight, I did have fun, going around in the day with thoughts of you running in my head.

To be honest I didn't expected anything 'cept thank yous and more thank yous from you. Well, if that's what you were thinking yknow, I wanted something more more more from you. But no, I don't. I do not. Absolutely. I explain because I want you to know, I want you to understand. I believe somehow you'll get to know it..I don't know how but I'm just hoping someone would tell you about or something. Or, you already know it. I prefer the latter though.

I still miss you..I guess. I don't know but I shouldn't be at all or anymore. Because remember I told _ that I'd get you out of my system after this because I've prayed so much for you & for me, told God what I always wanted, did what I have to and it's been omg-long-enough-fifty-one days, so how long am I expected to stay here for? I know you're worth it, you're worth everything I am doing right now but do you think so?

M & her boyfriend of three years broke up because her boyfriend fell for someone else. So he went with this girl but they didn't work out. So after eight good months, he went back for M. Guess what, M took him in. Still. Yes. She did. A said she was naive to do so, dumb decision. But I said nothing. I've never heard of stories like these. That's why I didn't actually believe that this might happen to me/us after all, or there might be a possibility. So then I wondered if that was gonna happen to me. Or even us. I didn't think M was naive, or was it a dumb decision. Because if G were M, she would have done the same, I thought.

Are we gonna get closure on this, ever? Are we coming out of history already?
Are we?

Just three words, my love: you meant everything.


Thinking of a way to get you to stay, & I'll promise to fight the wind & wait for you.

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trick or treat? @ 4:31 AM

Saturday, December 27, 2008

? My brain's the weak heart, my heart's the long stairs ¿


 
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

April came over & we enjoyed the whole lazy afternoon together. Ended it off with a very late lunch at Long John at 5pm. I ran home straight after sending her off to prepare for opera later.

I thought the opera was gonna turn out bad but who would know it was pretty good! I love it :) Pearlyn looked adorable in her outfit, as usual. Rhys, performing was the first time in two scenes, looked fabulous as well. Cute Rhysie boy :)

 
Before the show

 
2006

 
2008

Ok I promise to cut my fringe soon so I won't look like an idiot. Zel didn't tell me my fringe was covering my pretty eyes! :( We had a group photo but it is with Sally & Allan. :( :( I better look better in those photos!

Godma Sue drove Zel & I home after photo-taking. Now with mom & dad, we're heading for supper! Yay we're finally having proper supper :D Tata!


"You can't make everybody happy."
"You'd like to at least make yourself happy, though."

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trick or treat? @ 11:58 PM

? I'm never going to know you now but I'm going to love you anyhow ¿


Why do I have a strong gut feeling that you met someone new?

It's been draining on me these days but I still stay up and think of you tonight. Well, another miss you nights. The way you looked, the way you smiled, the way you held, the way you did your walk, the way you said thank you, the way you said fuck you. Why can't I not remember so much about you?

I remind myself constantly that when I do all of these for you, you do not know a single thing about it. If you'd get to know about it, you cannot be bothered by it either. You would not feel sorry for me, or even a least bit thankful for all that I've done.

I don't know anything but I know I still want the best for you.

And, I wished you asked. I wished you didn't just reply a simple 'fuck you'. Can I also mention that we were all disappointed that you did not bother to? I wished you remembered what you said the other time. I wished you remember everything like the way I did. I wished you knew how much I've missed & still missing you. I wished you knew your hugs are the warmest in the times of coldness like this. I wished you knew when tears fall your kisses would soothe me in a millisecond. I wished you knew when I need a listener or someone to rant to about my bad day I would think of you as the best candidate to pick from. I wished you knew you're in my prayers every single night.
I wished you knew I always love to see your pretty face on my cellphone screen. I wished you knew what I really wish for & want this Christmas. I wished when you look at me it reminds you just as much happy times as it does for me. I wish you would not just stay in this silence but finally break it. I wished you find it hard to look at me in the eye. I wish you would make an effort to take a second look at me. I wish you knew how much I've wished & still wishing for you.
I wished you'd never meet someone like me.

'Cos everything inside it never comes out right & when I see you cry, it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry about all the things I said to you & I know I can't take it back.

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds.

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trick or treat? @ 3:13 AM

Friday, December 26, 2008

? Memories seem like so long ago, time always kills the pain ¿


 
But the sadness just sleeps & it stays in your spine for the rest of your life.

The photoshoot this morning was a quick one. Thank God. I wasn't in the mood for any photo-taking but no choice :/ very very grumpy! I was super tired though it was almost twelve in the noon. Had lunch at Han's with the family before heading to school. Mom said I should never take set meals 'cos I can never finish, I should take a muffin instead O.O

So after lunch I took a train to Queenstown & bumped into Marc on the way. So nice of him to help me with the heavy bag of goodies. Jemi came in a cab to pick us to class.

When Jemi gave out the presents, seeing the smiling faces made me feel so happy. I don't know why. I may not have known them for long but we have another five more months together. Or should I say, only five months together. I'm glad :) Nithya's "Glynis! Thanks for the present!", Adam came over to our table & went "Hey, thanks for the treat", Jessica's "Glynis, thanks for the present ha.." on my wall in Facebook. The special three (our very own ugly boyband, we always call them) with two Ferrero Rocher, Kit Kat & more sweets in theirs, their thank yous never felt the same.

Christmas, the season of giving.
Though now I've to think of a way to stitch up the hole in my pockets but I'm happy. It's like, sharing joy :)

Class ended with the presentation & I got free manicure from Jemi! After everyone's done with theirs, we went off together. Ray drove so Mat & him went off while Jemi's boyfriend came to pick her & Marc, Shim & I walked to the station.

When walking back, we spoke of you.

M: You should blog about it tonight.
G: Say what?
M: "I thought you ............ haisxz"
G: *laughs* h-a-i-s-x-z
M: Yeh, haisxzzxssxz
S: You every time blog about * one leh!
M: Yeh lor
G: Huh obvious ah!?
M: Duh!
S: Yeh la!!
G: You got read meh?
S: Of course la! Every time scroll down, eh below got one emo post for * lor!
Hm, really?

Dad came to pick me with mom & sis in the car. Today is such a lazy Friday. I didn't even bother to plan to do anything in the evening but dedicate the time to the family instead. We headed home, had dinner, watched telly & went supper :) YUMZ I love supper time with them

Now I'm talking to SL & April on msn. Gonna watch an episode of GossipGirl & go to bed! I am very very tired, sooo tired, super tired! Tomorrow I will have breakfast with the family, then April will come over for a cold lazy Saturday then I will head for opera at The Esplanade. If I can push opera away tomorrow night, I will. I wanna rest at home :(
Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day waking the misery of being without you.

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trick or treat? @ 11:46 PM

? Spoken words like moonlight, you're the voice that I like ¿



"But for now let me say,"
"Without hope or agenda,"
"Just because it's Christmas-"
"(And at Christmas you tell the truth)"
"To me, you're perfect"
"And my wasted heart will love you"

I think I've held back for long enough, for this "stay happy" period just so I don't break down & cry, feel upset & sorry for myself, keep whispering apologies to you for crying so hard over missing you again.

But tonight, I let the tears ruin my make up, let them smudge, let the mascara run upon hearing what I didn't wanna hear..

Breaking down.
Finally.

I hope breaking down this time would be the last time in a long long while. This cry would be a huge ass reminder to how much more stronger I have to be from now on.

x

There's no reason your name should come up on my cell, unless you're in need but that shouldn't be the case on Christmas. I was surprised as I read 'Merry Christmas', yet a little happy at the same time. The same familiar ID photo I attached to your contact in my phone, the same familiar feeling I get whenever I see your name.

I hope tomorrow is going to be a much better day. With all the gifts to be given out & a few to receive, I am looking forward to it. I wanna be happy tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and every day that follows.

Not another crying night like this, I sure do not need it.

I think I haven't said this to you in a while but
I love you, darling.

Forty-nine days of waiting.
One hundred and thirteen days of love.
Five hundred and seventy-seven days of true love & lust.
Which would you pick?



I have to say you're perfect in every way.

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trick or treat? @ 1:50 AM

Thursday, December 25, 2008

? I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did ¿


 
December never felt so wrong, 'cos you're not where you belong; inside my arms.

The day went fabulous. Though it was cold outside but the weather was good. Good enough weather for Christmas.

We had lunch at 99c sushi again :)

 
  
  
  
Gastric attacked J so I ordered this Yasai Miso Soup for her. Really KNS.

After lunch, we wanted to watch Twilight but the queue was damn long so J suggested that we download off the net or get the dvd instead. Too full from lunch, we decided to walk to Marina Square area.


And on the way there, we bumped into Jinman & family.... :) Aunt Brenda saw me too. Heh. We gave up walking halfway, took the bus at Le Meridien & alighted at Suntec Convention Center. Stopped by for ice-cream!

 
"Choc choc" chip & cookies and cream
 
Cheeky "I wanna eat my ice-cream" look
 
  
"Muahahaha I am eating you!!!!!!!"

After that, we shopped around Marina Square. I panicked again. I don't know why I did. I should not have. I should..I don't know. Shut up inner self. So we shopped, bought presents & did last minute shopping. I don't know why every year I have to wait until the very last minute before I can start shopping. Is it a lot better if I start early, with a proper shopping list? This shall be on my new year resolution.

We got bored, & was still full from lunch & ice-cream so we headed to Dhoby Ghaut 'cos I needed to go Daiso & Times. Bought the necessay: New Moon :) Ap, you can have yours back already thank youuuuuuu so much!! Come for tea over my place on Saturday? I want some peace, cupcakes & caffeine :) Let me know!! So after buying things, we went to BK to have dinner. The rendang is nice!! :D We took a train back to my place & sat around at the void deck as it was still early.

 
  
I luv outfit shots :)
  
  
  
  
  
"Aisehhhhhhhhhhh"

Left the area at around 10ish & headed home :) Super tired!!! I'm gonna turn in after this, stop my head from functioning so it wouldn't think so much. I cannot wait for tomorrow!

Do you remember..it's our second Christmas together? I've never spend so much time with someone so close in my life before. You're the first.

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trick or treat? @ 11:39 PM

? I find my heart is growing weak ¿


"Then it dawned on me: all those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands & knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true, I finally got an answer; you. Right there in one person, all I'd ever wanted to be or do, & there you are. You came right through me, & I never even realised. I hate it when it's right in front of your face & you miss it. Don't you?"

Yeh I know I'm so not a morning person but 'cos we gotta send Merl off to Hongkong this morning, I woke up diligently at 6am in the morning. So we headed to the airport, got the necessay check-in done & off she went. I hope she have fun there. I told her to get some pretty leggings for me ^^ I am into this leggings craze of recent, I don't know why.

After that, we headed to North Point for Hong Kong Cafe :) The journey there was long enough for me to read a chapter of New Moon. I like car rides. I never liked breakfast though it is the most important meal of the day. I get tummy upset after eating. I only had one slice of toast & a cup of ice milk tea & now my tummy is upset :[ dislike breakfast.

So now I'm home, with nothing much to do. I shall start on Jailani's presentation. On Nyonya. Finally something that has gotta do with nothing about communication. I had enough of communication. Or maybe I will watch GG. Meeting J at one. I will start getting busy to prepare myself at eleven.

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trick or treat? @ 10:04 AM

? I haven't told you yet, but I'm going to be with you ¿


Finally, it is the end of my emo gloomy Christmas eve.

So what did I do?
x had very little dinner
x did Naidu's essay
x online shopped
x watched Gossip Girl
x played Facebook games
x Merl came to stayover so we had supper at Ya Kun
x talked to Delon, RachaelG, April & J
x had Haagen Darz ice-cream
x planned tomorrow's itinerary
x cleaned & polished my dslr
x watched The Family Stone
x watched cartoons
x thought of you

Not bad huh at least I finished my essay & finally started on GG. Ya Kun was good, it always have been. Ice-cream was given by Merl. Green Tea flavored. I don't like it. Tomorrow's itinerary is to have cheap & good lunch at Kopitiam, shop for both our presents, have a lot of pictures taken, walk every street with nice Christmas lightings, have pictures taken & feel Christmasy, have a good dinner at a nice (need not be) posh place with super duper good food & lastly head home feeling really happy & have to have enjoyed each other's company. My camera is all set to start work anytime, it's all clean. Watching The Family Stone feels so..awww & so warmth. I like. Cartoons were funny but I didn't laugh 'cos I watched it a few times already. Thinking of you wasn't the best part of it all but it put a smile on my face.

If I could let my feelings out, then I could show you that I have been thinking that we'd have gotten farther if we never even started at all. I wished we hadn't so we could cut all the awkwardness right now.

I took my morning walk, I took my evening walk, I ate something, I thought about something, I wrote, I napped & dreamed something too, & with all that something, I still have nothing because so much of something has always been & always will be you.

I miss you.

I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die.


Merry Christmas, my love.

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trick or treat? @ 3:30 AM

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

? Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry outloud ¿


Christmas blues.
I will spend this Christmas eve, being all emotional at home.

I was supposed to meet J for more shopping & more photo-taking :[ Making me more upset than ever, something just have to happen. Fated, I guess

I remember that day when we had lunch together, the conversation between Marc & I..

G: How you know? How did you find out?M: Wah lau so obvious on your blog!
G: Oh can read ah, can don't link hor
M: Yeh, I didn't link you what!
G: CAN SAY AH!
*Jemi & I burst into laughter*
M: Oh oh oh!! *laughs*


I luv having lunch with my favourite people. Only if Shim weren't that tired from work the night before, she'd be there as well & it'll be picture perfect.
Yeh you're still favourite.

Westlife's Moments just have to come on on iTunes. What a right time.

The present for the girls & Yan arrived in the mail today :) Sho harpie. I will wrap them up nicely with a huge ass sticker that spells FRAGILE on it. I haven't gotten J's, xx's & mom & dad's present yet. I like what I got for the girls, Yan & x :) I think x will love it. I cannot wait to see they two again! They make me happy, even though it kinda make me sad in a way.

I cannot wait for Friday to come so I'd see the girls, I'd give them the presents, the boys & also the class! I like making people around me happy, whether I am happy or not.

Today, I will..
x finish Naidu's essay & start on Jailani's presentation.
x wrap the presents
x write the love note
x read the magazines I bought
x try not to cry because it's Christmas eve though I'm without you
x pack my new clothes aside so I wouldn't wear them until New Year
x think of my Christmas outfit before I go bed tonight
x sleep early so I will be wacky & crazy, all ready for a good long day with J tomorrow
x not countdown to Christmas because I have no Christmas feel at all
x have happy thoughts, nothing dirty, unhappy & unhealthy
x blog as & when I feel like it
x treasure every 2008 moment that is left

We'll see if I can do it ok. Kz till later, I will definitely blog again
Just save me a place between your sheets, and I'll let you make a mess out of me.

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trick or treat? @ 5:55 PM

? Now blank stares and empty threats are all I have, they're all I have ¿


"you know, he used to tell me how wonderful you were, but guys always say great things about their girlfriends until they break up. that's when the truth comes out. you know, I've waited 15 years to find out what he really thinks about you. do you wanna know what he thinks about you now that you're broken up?"

"no. shawn, i don't want to talk about him."

"now that you've broken up, he still tells me how wonderful you are."

Day 45: I wanna know what great things you have said about me.

Kinda made me think of that day when I mentioned a little (too much) about the past. "Can you not talk about it already?" Is it because I remind you of how happy things used to be & now they are not the same anymore? Is it easy for you there baby, 'cos it is hard for me here. I'm sure you could tell, even a blind man would be able to.

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trick or treat? @ 4:12 PM

? Don't stop calling, you're the reason I love losing sleep ¿


Whatever I've said to you has fallen on deaf ears.
I'm exasperated. Disappointed. So very tired.
Why do you not understand :(

I wanna know why you asked, I wanna ask but I'm afraid of your answer.

x

Last night, I went through my inbox filled of your texts. The one you sent just a month or two back on that very day, the first sentence had tears welled up in both my eyes & when I read them out loud, I was tearing like mad. My voice was trembling with fear, guilt & sadness.

No doubt, every sweet text from you I read did made me smile but the bitterness stayed where my heart is. How can I ever make it go away.. I guess the only time when it will really go away is when you're out of my heart & my mind. I don't know when will be the time but I hope it is real soon. As much as I want to remember this feeling I have for you that I would never feel the same for someone else, I have to because I'm dying to see the real me, the happier me again.


That look into your eyes, I saw sparks that flew. Was it supposed to be this way because you said _ the other time? I was afraid, that was why I looked away. So so afraid, I dare not look at you.
I wish I could still say I'm strong like before but I don't think I am anymore.

"Love you!" rings in my head quite often in your velvety voice of recent..
And that's the only thing you said that I can remember in your voice. I wish I'd record our conversation in the past, so I wouldn't have to miss you so much. I wish every sweet nothing you whispered into my ears would ring in my head forever like you've just said them to me. Something quite very impossible.
I'm sorry darling, but I miss you so.

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trick or treat? @ 3:19 AM

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

? I could sleep forever these days because in my dreams I see you again ¿


 
I can't help but feeling I'm losing him this time.

I only had two hours of sleep. When Jemi left the house, I just woke up. I felt so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep at all. So I woke up & waited for Shim to get ready. When we left the house, Jemi called to ask us to go back home & send her the assignments so that she can print.

I'm so sorry Jemi :[

So I called J & we met up for lunch at Plaza by the Park's Kopitiam. Yummy yummy bak chor mee + chilli & vinegar duo duo :D There's the same Thai food stall at Anchorpoint there!! Yay I can have Thai food more often now hehe.

After lunch, we walked over to City Hall & shopped a little :) :) Bought x's present! I think she'll like it hehe.

 
  
  
  
  

After that we took a train back to my place. Headed for Starbucks. Yay yay yay I need daily dosage of caffeine. I was really tired & sleepy & dying!

 
  
  
  
  

Went to get ink cartridge for the printer & headed home. Super tired I tell you. I almost fell asleep waiting for dad to come home so we can go for dinner. Gran & Che came over to stay yay :) More company hehe.

Dad came to pick us & we went to Seafood Paradise for dinner. Met Godma Irene, Ter/Ted & Merls there. The dinner was really good. Chilli crab, shark's fin, baby squid, youtiao, kangkong & pork's ribs. I'm still feeling full from dinner! We stayed there until around 10pm. Talked & all that. Merl & Ted were damn funny, Zel &I laughed a lot. He reminded me of the other time we went Zouk together. I wasn't eighteen yet so we had to sorta get ready Merl's ID just in case. Haha and all that dance moves!! Frikkin' retarded, I can remember! He said we'll hang out before he flies home on the 5th. They are going Hong Kong tomorrow! And mom was planning to tag along butttttt my passsport is expiring so.. :( Bleah, this sucks.

Ok I cannot take it anymore. I'm so tired. Physically, mentalling & emotionally. I haven't been sleeping well and haven't been sleeping much either. Sigh :[ I need a good rest, a good break.. G'night for now.

P/s: Yan, have fun in KL :) Picnic/karaoke when you're back!! (L)

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trick or treat? @ 11:47 PM

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

? So this is goodbye ¿


314th post, and this is goodbye.
Few minutes into 2009, and this is also goodbye.
To 2008, to this eventful year, to this love & joy filled much blog.

I start the year in a clean new slate.

Moved to a better, happy place.
http://scriptedrama.blogspot.com/

I don't ask for anything on new year's day but just everything to get better & best.

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trick or treat? @ 11:47 PM

? You know I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind ¿


What a way to start the last day of 2008, the eve of the first day of 2009.

Not a fascinating way, but heart warming.
Because of you.

The longest & also the best conversation we had. Not better or longer than the ones we had when we were all good. But guess what? I was shaking when you said hello. My palms were perspiring, body shaking, heart racing. I never felt this way after mom & dad left for Beijing. I can always calm myself down easily but this time felt so..different. Why is it so difficult to, I don't know. I thought you were gonna throw into a fit and start being nasty to me but who knew the talk is looking good.

Fucking glad, fucking fucking relieved.
Despite what took place last noon.
Don't blame me for being angry. I mean, natural reaction right? You probably don't give two fucks about it if it were me but because I do, that's why I reacted this way. But then on my way home, I thought if I were in the same position, I'd do the same. I should've understand. My bad.
But I'm all good now, and you know that.

Honestly, I had a lot more than just that to ask you. Like why didn't you ask, why didn't you come, what if I asked you out, do you miss me, do you think of me, do you wish i was right where you were, do you wish i was there to listen to you, do you wish this whole episode didn't took place & all that. I'm sure you can feel it too. I just..didn't have that much amount of courage to ask and not get upset with your reply. Plus you weren't asking me anything, saying you've gotten all the answers you needed..which make me feel like I shouldn't ask too much just so I won't irritate you. Maybe not tonight. I don't know when would I have a chance to talk to you like this again but I hope there will be a chance.

"Be there as much as possible, because that's the only time I can be near you, be close to you, being in your presence, at every possible moment of your life. Is it too big a request?"

Every possible moment of your life.
I wish you were nearer, I wish you were here.

You know I will spill my heart & let the emotions & thoughts of you flow here in my only outlet, any day. If you ever think that no one cares or loves you, please know you still have me darling.
Because I love you too, always have & always will.


I've waited so long to prove that I'm in love with you, will every door that's open lead me straight to you?

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trick or treat? @ 3:01 AM

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

? The heart of a sensitive person suffers too much to love ¿


 
To find someone you love, you've gotta be someone you love.

M: Don't give a fuck la

Yeh I won't, I am not going to. I did but I am not going to now. Super pissed off/jealous/exasperated with you & your stupid ways, stupid thinking. Go, just go hide in your own shell & be stubborn for all I fucking care!

Before leaving for school, I received my parcels! The Forever21 stuff I bought arrived yay! The Chanel necklace & earstuds arrived too hohoho totally made my morning better, other than missing the yummy lunch I looked forward to have. School was pretty okay today. We ended up having lunch in school. Chicken cutlet yumz! Naidu was nagging like a bitch, which is very very him so whatever. The walk to the train station was plaining cursing and swearing, filled with angst. Took train back home with Marc! Quite silent because poor boy is still down with sore throat. He already planned not to attend Friday's class but I have to be there for Shim's presentation... Will see how!

I am also pissed that you went off without letting me see you properly. Tamade, laoniang now damn hot ah >:@


So where does one find love? There's the first kiss. The sloppy kiss. The peck. The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss. The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss. The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad sometimes kiss. The I know your tongue like the back of my hand kiss.

But one kiss levitates above all the others. The intersection of function & desire. The I do kiss. The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

I am so annoyed now with so many things. GG is loading very very slowly, buay tahan. And I have no photos to upload today :( Yan just told me what the whole show is gonna be like -.- I AM VERY UPSET THAT LILY ISN'T GOING TO MARRY RUFUS I LOVE THEM TOGETHER :( :( And I like how Blair and Nate are still together despite the mistakes they've made. I also like how Dan & Serena is so omfg-i-am-envious-and-very-jealous sweet & loving together :) :)

I will continue with GG now heh heh I need to plan where to go tomorrow, not stay in & think of your stupid ways & get all emotional. Hmph, GG will cheer me up tata!

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trick or treat? @ 9:15 PM

? I'm all for you, body and soul ¿


I miss you.
And I have been missing you for a while.

Gossip Girl makes me happy, just like how reading Twilight does. And now, New Moon. Though it's kinda boring now 'cos the part I'm reading Edward is not around. I hope he comes back soon to excite things once again.

We were supposed to meet up at 12 for Swensen's at Holland V but apparently our Little Miss Late is still asleep. Yes at 12. I can happily kiss my lunch goodbye now. I was looking forward to it. (insert sad face here)

Last Tuesday of 2008, tomorrow's the last day of 2008.
I am not looking forward to it at all. I don't even have plans. Other than family dinner at Seafood Paradise at Singapore Flyer tomorrow night. After that, I want to have plans!! (inserts frown face here) Jemi is with boyfriend, I bet Shim would be too. So is Yan, defo with M & the sisters. J is being an irritating pest, waiting for me to ask her out while I'm waiting for her to ask me out (HAHAHA). I wonder if Jon, Ted & Merl are going anywhere tomorrow. I think they are. But where I do not know. Wait..why am I worry so much I do not welcome 2009 so I should not countdown & stay home and emo!!

Ok actually I should welcome 2009 because it is gonna be a much better year for me, riiiiight? (inserts happy face here)

Danica & I are complaining how we don't wanna attend today's class but I know you'll be there so I should attend. Recalling what you said to me last night, all the more I should go. I know it is gonna hurt a little when I see VVS40TTNG & not me in the passenger seat but still, I wanna be there at every possible moment in your life.

I'm gonna continue with GG until Jemi calls me.
kz l8r GG + school for naw ^^

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trick or treat? @ 11:42 AM

? I was just living in the moment & the moment was all about you ¿




Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go

I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you

Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best

You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go

Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...


x

I think you'd ever only strike a conversation with me when you need my help or thank me for something. So it will start with 'thank you' with your favourite double chin smiley & end with 'welcome' or 'no problem' plus a smiley of my liking.

I'm sure it is not so hard to talk to me.. Or is it really this hard? I guess I made it this hard. I'm sorry.

But tonight I think this is the longest conversation we ever had between us after that we-all-know-because-of-what-stupid-things-I-did conversation. Yay or nay?

Yay for me but nay for you.

x

I like what we have now because there is this home feeling with you, not because of this complicated platonic relationship. I don't wanna go into talking about us again because I know after that you're gonna start behaving all weirdly, tell me things I don't wanna hear or things that would hurt me & the pain would last for a few days. I don't want that to happen. I wanna keep things how we're like now. Close like lovers are but inside, I don't know where your heart lies but I know the home of my heart is your heart.

"Your heart said so."
"No, I'm sure it didn't. Although my heart is nearer to you than it is to me, I am sure it wouldn't say that of you. My heart knows that I love you."

And next? I had to change topic with a snap of my fingers before you start your nonsense again. See how much I don't wanna hear what I don't wanna hear? I really like what we do together. Having plans for the next outing, next next outing, next next next outing just like before. Having plans to meet up with mutual friends for dinner or just to catch up over coffee, shop for the same things together, things you like = things I like, I know what you hate most & vice versa, knowing what each other is craving to have for dinner at that very moment, without having to ask we both know what we're thinking about just by exchanging glances.
You're the lover kind of best friend, the best friend kind of lover.
I don't think I can ever live without you, darling.


I've been trying to cheer you up, put my unhappy self behind so it wouldn't affect your mood at all. And right now, I am so fucking drained. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Bedtime, g'night xx

But this close to crazy, is far from over you.

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trick or treat? @ 3:38 AM

Monday, December 29, 2008

? Love is nothing like it should be ¿


 
 Love me, because loves doesn't exist, & I have tried everything that does.

I had quite a blast today with J, the last Monday of 2008 :)

School was pretty alright. I weren't listening most of the time. Klissmas lunch was good :) Since when lunch wasn't good with the girls? More prease!

After lunch, I headed over to Cathay to meet J. Accompanied her to lunch at Plaza by the Park's Kopitiam, sat around & discussed about the birthday celebration. It was about time for our movie so we walked back to Cathay.

Guess what, Twilight was very very good. Fabulous. I love it!

 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
E & B ♥

They make me want to be a vampire too. Be with the one you love forever & never die. Go without sleep for years and never get limited edition Gucci eye bags. Have perfect complexion. Strength. Speed. I want :(

I think I will watch it again.

After the movie, it was around 6pm. We went over to Clarke Quay. Wanted to have dinner at Fisherman's Wharf but the stench was unbearable. Didn't wanna smell bad after dinner either! So we took a train back to my place & had Ajisen instead :) Bumped into Yan (L)(L)(L) who's sick & back from KL!!!!! We exchanged presents & she got me this leopard & zebra printed buffers! Cuuuuute I like :) Thank you bff <3

We were early so we did the usual thing. Sat around at the park to talk. We had a lot of fun today, didn't we J? Laughing & teasing people, the jokes & all that. I love today :)

 
  
  
Right: I was laughing............
 
  
  
SO FAKE SIA
 
  
  
  
First attempt: FAILED
 
Second attempt: NOT TOO BAD
 
Third attempt: PERFECT LA

I am not going to do the assignment because I am very very tired. I only had few hours of sleep. I keep waking up throughout the night for god knows what reasons for god knows who. I am going to sleep without even doing Naidu's homework. Goodnight sugarbabies.

P/s: Thank you :) Happy 19th xoxo!
P/p/s: Yan wo ai ni hen duo, prease get well soon so we can go picnic karaoke shopping movie idk whatever everything anything wo ai ni! (L)

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trick or treat? @ 11:28 PM

? But you're afraid in ways that I can't comprehend ¿


There's gotta be a reason for the rain.

I'm fucking early. I woke up at 6.30am. Zel was up at 6.50am for CCA fair. Stupid. I was ready to leave at 7.15am, much earlier than every other day. So I came on & watched Gossip Girl.

Yeh at 7 frikkin' am in the morning.

I was thinking if I should start on the homework Naidu give us, tsk. Assignments are not enough, still give homework :(

My eyez r so painfool & I love Blair. Serena's pretty. I h8 Vanessa's existance. I luv Gossip Girl.

Yayz klissmas lunch & Twilight l8r ^^

  Ah Jems is still not done, I shall continue with GG.
I promise a proper update tonight!

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trick or treat? @ 7:27 AM

? You're what keeps me believing this world's not gone dead ¿


Why can't stop thinking of you, get all breathless when you're near?

I am starting to dislike things that reminds me of you. It's almost everything. What have we not done when we're together. It's the things we do & enjoy together that reminds me of you. They never fail to. I wish they would stop. I wonder how you do it like you do. You go about everyday without a single thought of me, keep laughing & keep being happy with your friends but why can't I?

When we agreed it was lust, that your lips were on mine, I was happy. Now I want it back again. I want that very moment. Every single moment. With you. I'm at my best when I am with you. Why can't you see it?

It's not that I do not want to let go. I want to because I've been upset so long, long enough for a seed to blossom into a beautiful flower & I'm still here missing you, tearing away, watching the clip of happy memories. I don't want to because..because..I don't know. Something stops me, I don't know what is it. Seems like my heart knows you'd come home to me after all, that's why I am not willing to let it go.

You're the reason why I don't wanna leave 2008 for the happy memories we've made & go into 2009 without you at all.


P/s: Happy 19th. Though it was a bad start cos we spoke of her just now. But I love you anywayz.
P/p/s: Tomorrow is going to be better because school + lots of love kissmas lunch with Jems & Shim + Twilight and cheap kopitiam dinner with J :)
P/p/p/s: I am already in the midst of saving up & planning for the surprise, yay or nay?

We had a love, but we still said goodbye.

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trick or treat? @ 3:08 AM

Sunday, December 28, 2008

? But I've been thinking of you, got these far away blues ¿


Tonight was great.
The opera was fabulous, distracted by every thought of you that comes into my head once in awhile. Supper was even better, the happy couple behind reminded me so much of how things used to be.

I find myself thinking of you more when I try not to. The more I tell myself I should have fun tonight because I deserve to, the lesser fun I have. But tonight, I did have fun, going around in the day with thoughts of you running in my head.

To be honest I didn't expected anything 'cept thank yous and more thank yous from you. Well, if that's what you were thinking yknow, I wanted something more more more from you. But no, I don't. I do not. Absolutely. I explain because I want you to know, I want you to understand. I believe somehow you'll get to know it..I don't know how but I'm just hoping someone would tell you about or something. Or, you already know it. I prefer the latter though.

I still miss you..I guess. I don't know but I shouldn't be at all or anymore. Because remember I told _ that I'd get you out of my system after this because I've prayed so much for you & for me, told God what I always wanted, did what I have to and it's been omg-long-enough-fifty-one days, so how long am I expected to stay here for? I know you're worth it, you're worth everything I am doing right now but do you think so?

M & her boyfriend of three years broke up because her boyfriend fell for someone else. So he went with this girl but they didn't work out. So after eight good months, he went back for M. Guess what, M took him in. Still. Yes. She did. A said she was naive to do so, dumb decision. But I said nothing. I've never heard of stories like these. That's why I didn't actually believe that this might happen to me/us after all, or there might be a possibility. So then I wondered if that was gonna happen to me. Or even us. I didn't think M was naive, or was it a dumb decision. Because if G were M, she would have done the same, I thought.

Are we gonna get closure on this, ever? Are we coming out of history already?
Are we?

Just three words, my love: you meant everything.


Thinking of a way to get you to stay, & I'll promise to fight the wind & wait for you.

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trick or treat? @ 4:31 AM

Saturday, December 27, 2008

? My brain's the weak heart, my heart's the long stairs ¿


 
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

April came over & we enjoyed the whole lazy afternoon together. Ended it off with a very late lunch at Long John at 5pm. I ran home straight after sending her off to prepare for opera later.

I thought the opera was gonna turn out bad but who would know it was pretty good! I love it :) Pearlyn looked adorable in her outfit, as usual. Rhys, performing was the first time in two scenes, looked fabulous as well. Cute Rhysie boy :)

 
Before the show

 
2006

 
2008

Ok I promise to cut my fringe soon so I won't look like an idiot. Zel didn't tell me my fringe was covering my pretty eyes! :( We had a group photo but it is with Sally & Allan. :( :( I better look better in those photos!

Godma Sue drove Zel & I home after photo-taking. Now with mom & dad, we're heading for supper! Yay we're finally having proper supper :D Tata!


"You can't make everybody happy."
"You'd like to at least make yourself happy, though."

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trick or treat? @ 11:58 PM

? I'm never going to know you now but I'm going to love you anyhow ¿


Why do I have a strong gut feeling that you met someone new?

It's been draining on me these days but I still stay up and think of you tonight. Well, another miss you nights. The way you looked, the way you smiled, the way you held, the way you did your walk, the way you said thank you, the way you said fuck you. Why can't I not remember so much about you?

I remind myself constantly that when I do all of these for you, you do not know a single thing about it. If you'd get to know about it, you cannot be bothered by it either. You would not feel sorry for me, or even a least bit thankful for all that I've done.

I don't know anything but I know I still want the best for you.

And, I wished you asked. I wished you didn't just reply a simple 'fuck you'. Can I also mention that we were all disappointed that you did not bother to? I wished you remembered what you said the other time. I wished you remember everything like the way I did. I wished you knew how much I've missed & still missing you. I wished you knew your hugs are the warmest in the times of coldness like this. I wished you knew when tears fall your kisses would soothe me in a millisecond. I wished you knew when I need a listener or someone to rant to about my bad day I would think of you as the best candidate to pick from. I wished you knew you're in my prayers every single night.
I wished you knew I always love to see your pretty face on my cellphone screen. I wished you knew what I really wish for & want this Christmas. I wished when you look at me it reminds you just as much happy times as it does for me. I wish you would not just stay in this silence but finally break it. I wished you find it hard to look at me in the eye. I wish you would make an effort to take a second look at me. I wish you knew how much I've wished & still wishing for you.
I wished you'd never meet someone like me.

'Cos everything inside it never comes out right & when I see you cry, it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry about all the things I said to you & I know I can't take it back.

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds.

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trick or treat? @ 3:13 AM

Friday, December 26, 2008

? Memories seem like so long ago, time always kills the pain ¿


 
But the sadness just sleeps & it stays in your spine for the rest of your life.

The photoshoot this morning was a quick one. Thank God. I wasn't in the mood for any photo-taking but no choice :/ very very grumpy! I was super tired though it was almost twelve in the noon. Had lunch at Han's with the family before heading to school. Mom said I should never take set meals 'cos I can never finish, I should take a muffin instead O.O

So after lunch I took a train to Queenstown & bumped into Marc on the way. So nice of him to help me with the heavy bag of goodies. Jemi came in a cab to pick us to class.

When Jemi gave out the presents, seeing the smiling faces made me feel so happy. I don't know why. I may not have known them for long but we have another five more months together. Or should I say, only five months together. I'm glad :) Nithya's "Glynis! Thanks for the present!", Adam came over to our table & went "Hey, thanks for the treat", Jessica's "Glynis, thanks for the present ha.." on my wall in Facebook. The special three (our very own ugly boyband, we always call them) with two Ferrero Rocher, Kit Kat & more sweets in theirs, their thank yous never felt the same.

Christmas, the season of giving.
Though now I've to think of a way to stitch up the hole in my pockets but I'm happy. It's like, sharing joy :)

Class ended with the presentation & I got free manicure from Jemi! After everyone's done with theirs, we went off together. Ray drove so Mat & him went off while Jemi's boyfriend came to pick her & Marc, Shim & I walked to the station.

When walking back, we spoke of you.

M: You should blog about it tonight.
G: Say what?
M: "I thought you ............ haisxz"
G: *laughs* h-a-i-s-x-z
M: Yeh, haisxzzxssxz
S: You every time blog about * one leh!
M: Yeh lor
G: Huh obvious ah!?
M: Duh!
S: Yeh la!!
G: You got read meh?
S: Of course la! Every time scroll down, eh below got one emo post for * lor!
Hm, really?

Dad came to pick me with mom & sis in the car. Today is such a lazy Friday. I didn't even bother to plan to do anything in the evening but dedicate the time to the family instead. We headed home, had dinner, watched telly & went supper :) YUMZ I love supper time with them

Now I'm talking to SL & April on msn. Gonna watch an episode of GossipGirl & go to bed! I am very very tired, sooo tired, super tired! Tomorrow I will have breakfast with the family, then April will come over for a cold lazy Saturday then I will head for opera at The Esplanade. If I can push opera away tomorrow night, I will. I wanna rest at home :(
Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day waking the misery of being without you.

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trick or treat? @ 11:46 PM

? Spoken words like moonlight, you're the voice that I like ¿



"But for now let me say,"
"Without hope or agenda,"
"Just because it's Christmas-"
"(And at Christmas you tell the truth)"
"To me, you're perfect"
"And my wasted heart will love you"

I think I've held back for long enough, for this "stay happy" period just so I don't break down & cry, feel upset & sorry for myself, keep whispering apologies to you for crying so hard over missing you again.

But tonight, I let the tears ruin my make up, let them smudge, let the mascara run upon hearing what I didn't wanna hear..

Breaking down.
Finally.

I hope breaking down this time would be the last time in a long long while. This cry would be a huge ass reminder to how much more stronger I have to be from now on.

x

There's no reason your name should come up on my cell, unless you're in need but that shouldn't be the case on Christmas. I was surprised as I read 'Merry Christmas', yet a little happy at the same time. The same familiar ID photo I attached to your contact in my phone, the same familiar feeling I get whenever I see your name.

I hope tomorrow is going to be a much better day. With all the gifts to be given out & a few to receive, I am looking forward to it. I wanna be happy tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and every day that follows.

Not another crying night like this, I sure do not need it.

I think I haven't said this to you in a while but
I love you, darling.

Forty-nine days of waiting.
One hundred and thirteen days of love.
Five hundred and seventy-seven days of true love & lust.
Which would you pick?



I have to say you're perfect in every way.

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trick or treat? @ 1:50 AM

Thursday, December 25, 2008

? I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did ¿


 
December never felt so wrong, 'cos you're not where you belong; inside my arms.

The day went fabulous. Though it was cold outside but the weather was good. Good enough weather for Christmas.

We had lunch at 99c sushi again :)

 
  
  
  
Gastric attacked J so I ordered this Yasai Miso Soup for her. Really KNS.

After lunch, we wanted to watch Twilight but the queue was damn long so J suggested that we download off the net or get the dvd instead. Too full from lunch, we decided to walk to Marina Square area.


And on the way there, we bumped into Jinman & family.... :) Aunt Brenda saw me too. Heh. We gave up walking halfway, took the bus at Le Meridien & alighted at Suntec Convention Center. Stopped by for ice-cream!

 
"Choc choc" chip & cookies and cream
 
Cheeky "I wanna eat my ice-cream" look
 
  
"Muahahaha I am eating you!!!!!!!"

After that, we shopped around Marina Square. I panicked again. I don't know why I did. I should not have. I should..I don't know. Shut up inner self. So we shopped, bought presents & did last minute shopping. I don't know why every year I have to wait until the very last minute before I can start shopping. Is it a lot better if I start early, with a proper shopping list? This shall be on my new year resolution.

We got bored, & was still full from lunch & ice-cream so we headed to Dhoby Ghaut 'cos I needed to go Daiso & Times. Bought the necessay: New Moon :) Ap, you can have yours back already thank youuuuuuu so much!! Come for tea over my place on Saturday? I want some peace, cupcakes & caffeine :) Let me know!! So after buying things, we went to BK to have dinner. The rendang is nice!! :D We took a train back to my place & sat around at the void deck as it was still early.

 
  
I luv outfit shots :)
  
  
  
  
  
"Aisehhhhhhhhhhh"

Left the area at around 10ish & headed home :) Super tired!!! I'm gonna turn in after this, stop my head from functioning so it wouldn't think so much. I cannot wait for tomorrow!

Do you remember..it's our second Christmas together? I've never spend so much time with someone so close in my life before. You're the first.

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trick or treat? @ 11:39 PM

? I find my heart is growing weak ¿


"Then it dawned on me: all those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands & knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true, I finally got an answer; you. Right there in one person, all I'd ever wanted to be or do, & there you are. You came right through me, & I never even realised. I hate it when it's right in front of your face & you miss it. Don't you?"

Yeh I know I'm so not a morning person but 'cos we gotta send Merl off to Hongkong this morning, I woke up diligently at 6am in the morning. So we headed to the airport, got the necessay check-in done & off she went. I hope she have fun there. I told her to get some pretty leggings for me ^^ I am into this leggings craze of recent, I don't know why.

After that, we headed to North Point for Hong Kong Cafe :) The journey there was long enough for me to read a chapter of New Moon. I like car rides. I never liked breakfast though it is the most important meal of the day. I get tummy upset after eating. I only had one slice of toast & a cup of ice milk tea & now my tummy is upset :[ dislike breakfast.

So now I'm home, with nothing much to do. I shall start on Jailani's presentation. On Nyonya. Finally something that has gotta do with nothing about communication. I had enough of communication. Or maybe I will watch GG. Meeting J at one. I will start getting busy to prepare myself at eleven.

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trick or treat? @ 10:04 AM

? I haven't told you yet, but I'm going to be with you ¿


Finally, it is the end of my emo gloomy Christmas eve.

So what did I do?
x had very little dinner
x did Naidu's essay
x online shopped
x watched Gossip Girl
x played Facebook games
x Merl came to stayover so we had supper at Ya Kun
x talked to Delon, RachaelG, April & J
x had Haagen Darz ice-cream
x planned tomorrow's itinerary
x cleaned & polished my dslr
x watched The Family Stone
x watched cartoons
x thought of you

Not bad huh at least I finished my essay & finally started on GG. Ya Kun was good, it always have been. Ice-cream was given by Merl. Green Tea flavored. I don't like it. Tomorrow's itinerary is to have cheap & good lunch at Kopitiam, shop for both our presents, have a lot of pictures taken, walk every street with nice Christmas lightings, have pictures taken & feel Christmasy, have a good dinner at a nice (need not be) posh place with super duper good food & lastly head home feeling really happy & have to have enjoyed each other's company. My camera is all set to start work anytime, it's all clean. Watching The Family Stone feels so..awww & so warmth. I like. Cartoons were funny but I didn't laugh 'cos I watched it a few times already. Thinking of you wasn't the best part of it all but it put a smile on my face.

If I could let my feelings out, then I could show you that I have been thinking that we'd have gotten farther if we never even started at all. I wished we hadn't so we could cut all the awkwardness right now.

I took my morning walk, I took my evening walk, I ate something, I thought about something, I wrote, I napped & dreamed something too, & with all that something, I still have nothing because so much of something has always been & always will be you.

I miss you.

I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die.


Merry Christmas, my love.

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trick or treat? @ 3:30 AM

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

? Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry outloud ¿


Christmas blues.
I will spend this Christmas eve, being all emotional at home.

I was supposed to meet J for more shopping & more photo-taking :[ Making me more upset than ever, something just have to happen. Fated, I guess

I remember that day when we had lunch together, the conversation between Marc & I..

G: How you know? How did you find out?M: Wah lau so obvious on your blog!
G: Oh can read ah, can don't link hor
M: Yeh, I didn't link you what!
G: CAN SAY AH!
*Jemi & I burst into laughter*
M: Oh oh oh!! *laughs*


I luv having lunch with my favourite people. Only if Shim weren't that tired from work the night before, she'd be there as well & it'll be picture perfect.
Yeh you're still favourite.

Westlife's Moments just have to come on on iTunes. What a right time.

The present for the girls & Yan arrived in the mail today :) Sho harpie. I will wrap them up nicely with a huge ass sticker that spells FRAGILE on it. I haven't gotten J's, xx's & mom & dad's present yet. I like what I got for the girls, Yan & x :) I think x will love it. I cannot wait to see they two again! They make me happy, even though it kinda make me sad in a way.

I cannot wait for Friday to come so I'd see the girls, I'd give them the presents, the boys & also the class! I like making people around me happy, whether I am happy or not.

Today, I will..
x finish Naidu's essay & start on Jailani's presentation.
x wrap the presents
x write the love note
x read the magazines I bought
x try not to cry because it's Christmas eve though I'm without you
x pack my new clothes aside so I wouldn't wear them until New Year
x think of my Christmas outfit before I go bed tonight
x sleep early so I will be wacky & crazy, all ready for a good long day with J tomorrow
x not countdown to Christmas because I have no Christmas feel at all
x have happy thoughts, nothing dirty, unhappy & unhealthy
x blog as & when I feel like it
x treasure every 2008 moment that is left

We'll see if I can do it ok. Kz till later, I will definitely blog again
Just save me a place between your sheets, and I'll let you make a mess out of me.

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trick or treat? @ 5:55 PM

? Now blank stares and empty threats are all I have, they're all I have ¿


"you know, he used to tell me how wonderful you were, but guys always say great things about their girlfriends until they break up. that's when the truth comes out. you know, I've waited 15 years to find out what he really thinks about you. do you wanna know what he thinks about you now that you're broken up?"

"no. shawn, i don't want to talk about him."

"now that you've broken up, he still tells me how wonderful you are."

Day 45: I wanna know what great things you have said about me.

Kinda made me think of that day when I mentioned a little (too much) about the past. "Can you not talk about it already?" Is it because I remind you of how happy things used to be & now they are not the same anymore? Is it easy for you there baby, 'cos it is hard for me here. I'm sure you could tell, even a blind man would be able to.

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trick or treat? @ 4:12 PM

? Don't stop calling, you're the reason I love losing sleep ¿


Whatever I've said to you has fallen on deaf ears.
I'm exasperated. Disappointed. So very tired.
Why do you not understand :(

I wanna know why you asked, I wanna ask but I'm afraid of your answer.

x

Last night, I went through my inbox filled of your texts. The one you sent just a month or two back on that very day, the first sentence had tears welled up in both my eyes & when I read them out loud, I was tearing like mad. My voice was trembling with fear, guilt & sadness.

No doubt, every sweet text from you I read did made me smile but the bitterness stayed where my heart is. How can I ever make it go away.. I guess the only time when it will really go away is when you're out of my heart & my mind. I don't know when will be the time but I hope it is real soon. As much as I want to remember this feeling I have for you that I would never feel the same for someone else, I have to because I'm dying to see the real me, the happier me again.


That look into your eyes, I saw sparks that flew. Was it supposed to be this way because you said _ the other time? I was afraid, that was why I looked away. So so afraid, I dare not look at you.
I wish I could still say I'm strong like before but I don't think I am anymore.

"Love you!" rings in my head quite often in your velvety voice of recent..
And that's the only thing you said that I can remember in your voice. I wish I'd record our conversation in the past, so I wouldn't have to miss you so much. I wish every sweet nothing you whispered into my ears would ring in my head forever like you've just said them to me. Something quite very impossible.
I'm sorry darling, but I miss you so.

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trick or treat? @ 3:19 AM

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

? I could sleep forever these days because in my dreams I see you again ¿


 
I can't help but feeling I'm losing him this time.

I only had two hours of sleep. When Jemi left the house, I just woke up. I felt so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep at all. So I woke up & waited for Shim to get ready. When we left the house, Jemi called to ask us to go back home & send her the assignments so that she can print.

I'm so sorry Jemi :[

So I called J & we met up for lunch at Plaza by the Park's Kopitiam. Yummy yummy bak chor mee + chilli & vinegar duo duo :D There's the same Thai food stall at Anchorpoint there!! Yay I can have Thai food more often now hehe.

After lunch, we walked over to City Hall & shopped a little :) :) Bought x's present! I think she'll like it hehe.

 
  
  
  
  

After that we took a train back to my place. Headed for Starbucks. Yay yay yay I need daily dosage of caffeine. I was really tired & sleepy & dying!

 
  
  
  
  

Went to get ink cartridge for the printer & headed home. Super tired I tell you. I almost fell asleep waiting for dad to come home so we can go for dinner. Gran & Che came over to stay yay :) More company hehe.

Dad came to pick us & we went to Seafood Paradise for dinner. Met Godma Irene, Ter/Ted & Merls there. The dinner was really good. Chilli crab, shark's fin, baby squid, youtiao, kangkong & pork's ribs. I'm still feeling full from dinner! We stayed there until around 10pm. Talked & all that. Merl & Ted were damn funny, Zel &I laughed a lot. He reminded me of the other time we went Zouk together. I wasn't eighteen yet so we had to sorta get ready Merl's ID just in case. Haha and all that dance moves!! Frikkin' retarded, I can remember! He said we'll hang out before he flies home on the 5th. They are going Hong Kong tomorrow! And mom was planning to tag along butttttt my passsport is expiring so.. :( Bleah, this sucks.

Ok I cannot take it anymore. I'm so tired. Physically, mentalling & emotionally. I haven't been sleeping well and haven't been sleeping much either. Sigh :[ I need a good rest, a good break.. G'night for now.

P/s: Yan, have fun in KL :) Picnic/karaoke when you're back!! (L)

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trick or treat? @ 11:47 PM

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? Glynis Tan ¿


Glynis \g-ly-nis\ pronounced as glare-niece, lived through eighteen years of love, joy & hardship since 200890. She's currently doing Diploma in Mass Communications in MDIS. She takes interest in art, fashion, photography & not forgetting, shopping. Her friends & family are her utmost adoration. She doesn't know what she wants anymore. All she knows is who she wants & it's the one who doesn't want her back.

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? About the Site ¿


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