Wednesday, November 12, 2008
? You're at the back of my mind, all the time ¿
We used to talk about everything & now it's almost impossible to have a decent conversation with you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAN (L)(L)(L) !!!
I know how much you dread this but face it, you're finally 20 already :D I hope the surprise was a great one. Tell me about it when you're back! We'll meet up for dindin next week ok? And also, thanks for everything. From listening to me bawl & cry like some fucktard to listening to me go on & on about how amazing * is <3 :)
It's kinda like, the difference between putting my own hand on my knee, & you putting your hand on my knee. When I touch my knee, I don't feel it. Nothing happens. It is just.. there. But when I have your hands on mine, I feel everything. Every move of your palm, every squeeze of your hand, & every brush of your finger, & I feel it right down to my toes & up to your neck, everything in my body tingles, but it's the most wonderful thing ever. Every move you make makes a difference.
I've been on Pet Society all day. It's damn fun! Super addictive. I'm at level 31 already. I went up about 10 levels today. Muahahaha I got no life. Supposed to go Ikea but the heavy downpour caused us to cancel our plans for the day. :( I thought we could go hkcafe for supper but the rain did not stop! Ugh this sucks.. Butbutbut I'm meeting Ray tomorrow! Though everything's not confirm yet but still. I'm finally going out of the house & out of Pet Society for awhile :D
You know you really love someone when you don't hate them for breaking your heart. And it's true. I never really hated you for doing all these, causing all the heartbreak & such. At least you were honest enough with me. At least we both spoke up & I'm glad things between us are somewhat fine for now. At least you know how much I wanted this to work & how much I love you. I'd be lying if I said I stopped thinking about you, I'm not missing you at all, the urge to hold you is no longer here or I do not love you the same like before. During the day, I forget to miss you for hours at a time. But I always remember at night. Always. I turn on the radio, the television & iTunes on my lappy to block out thoughts of you & us. I keep telling myself that I'd do fine alone 'cos I do not want to breakdown & hurt myself like I always do when I'm reminded that I'm alone. How fucking scared I was, you have no frikkin' idea. I wondered how in the past when you were away or busy I never felt so alone. Then I figured that in my mind I knew you'd always be there, you're always next to me. One text or call from me & you'd definitely drop everything you're doing on hand to give me your 101% attention. I really miss that feeling..
I thought I wouldn't mention you in this entry today. Sigh, I guess all these feelings only come at night.
You always say, anything for you dear =)
Do you remember?
Labels: birthdays, home, wednesday
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