Wednesday, October 1, 2008
? ¿
You want to know why I didn't reply you?
I bet you do. So let me tell you why.
For one, I was fuming mad. I wish I could slap you across your damn face so you'd wake up from your dreams & stop being so fucking fickle-minded. You said you'd give me time, let me make up my mind & wouldn't preasurize me. It was just Monday when you said that. And today? You decided that there should be a fullstop somewhere so you left it here & then today. Thanks a lot, you know. Really, thanks. Never felt so thankful for the ample amount of time you've given me, how little preasure you gave me.
For two, you are so fickle-minded. You can't make up your fucking mind what is it that you really want out of this. For a moment you say you want to keep this, for next you want to let it go. So what is it that you really want? I am not into your game & I do not want to be a part of it AT ALL, you know. I'm not your toy. You pick me up when you wanna play & throw it when you don't want to anymore. I am so frikkin' sick of it. Your fickle-mindedness is this one big flaw that you have. I told you this many times before & you know it too. I never expected you to be fiskle-minded over US.
I really hate you.
SO FUCKING MUCH.
But I haven't been able to be at peace at all today. My mind was filled with nothing but images of you. I can't get down to study, can't eat, can't smile, can't be myself, can't rest well. I hate you for doing this to me. If you think I'm feeling so free, so much better, I'm telling you I AM SO NOT.
I can live happily without you, I know I can, I'm sure.
Yknow what? I'm not gonna take you back. As much as I want to, I will not. Since you've decided that you want out, your wish shall be granted.
Oh, I'll pack everything into a bag & when I'm calmer, I'll bring it over to your place.
- - -
Tomorrow will be a better day.
I'm going out to study with Ray tomorrow! Meeting Shim for a bit to see how she is doing at AJ. Yay I get to see Shim! Keeping myself busy so I wouldn't think so much & get so fucked up :)
I downloaded 22 new songs today, yay!
Note to self: Stay happy, keep the smile.