Friday, October 3, 2008
? I never knew a home until I found your hands. ¿
Sometimes the hardest thing & the right thing are the same.
And this was it.
I can't say that I am all for it but I know this was the right thing we both did.
I remembered those lips telling me how people don't appreciate what they have before them & when it's gone, they regret. I'm glad I treasured everything between us. And now when you're gone forever in my memory, no regrets.
I cannot be your friend. I gave the biggest part of myself to you, shared my deep darkest secret, did almost everything I dreamt of with you. It hurts so bad just to see your name or even hear your voice. How can I ever bring myself to call you my friend?
"It's either something, or nothing."
But fret not, you'll be gone in my memory in no time. By then, I won't remember who you are, what you've done to me & how happy I was during the happy times with you.
But I really have to say..
Chances, I gave you aplenty. But I was given none.
I know I did you wrong. I wanted to be honest about it by telling you everything but you were too pissed to even listen. I wanted to pour my heart to you but you just wouldn't stop giving a cold shoulder and listen to what I've to say. I know I did you wrong & I'm sorry. It wouldn't subside the pain but I am truly sorry.
When I said I love you, I really meant it from the bottom of my heart.
Yknow I was thinking back then why did I even give you the chances when I know you don't deserve any at all. And that's because I love you & I'm so used to having you by my side, I don't ever want to change that. Now I wonder is it because you are used to not having me, because now there is someone else or, because you just don't love me anymore?
I cannot stop thinking what she said. It really made a lot of sense.
"Three possibilities. One, she really wants it. Two, friends' influence. Fickle-mindedness could lead to that, yknow. Three, there is this someone else that she probably have feelings for, someone that she listens to. Feelings developed but they just don't know about it?"
"But then again, if I were you, I won't take her back. Fickle-mindedness is a beeeeg issue. This will just happen again, really. She have to consult people to know what is it that she really wants then it's fishy. What people say influence her so much. This will just happen again."
"Have you ever felt like she really, really love you? Did she made any big sacrifices for you for the past 16 months?"
I cannot stop thinking about it. I know what is it that I really want. I am sure I want it but what I want doesn't want me so what for? I guess this was the end of it all. Whatever it is, life still goes on..
- - -
To you:
You tried your best, really, I could tell you did. I felt better, didn't I? Although it didn't last long.
Thank you ♥
To her:
You're the best of the best. I said that before, have I not? Thanks for listening despite being so busy at work! And for being so wise all the time <3
On a lighter note, I'm out for happy dinner tonight with the loveeeeeeeeely one. This is making me feel a lot better & lighter :D
Labels: emotional ramblings, friday, rant
e_motionallystripped