Tuesday, May 6, 2008
? One thing is for sure, you're worth living for ¿
Open Letter to One Who is Gone
When you turned away from me, as I stood by my car in front of your house, I don’t think either of us realized what we were saying goodbye to. Maybe it’s just projection on my part to believe that you’ve ever come to any sort of realization of what you gave up, what was lost, but I hope that it’s not.
I understand that it was really only a beginning. I know that not enough time had passed for us to really know each other or really know what it was that could have been had. There’s no way to really tell, in less than three months, if you could have spent the rest of your life with somebody. I’m not naïve; I do know all these things.
It’s funny (and not the funny kind of funny, but the sad kind of funny that isn’t really funny at all) how years later, I could still want to be writing this letter. Years later you still haven’t completely deserted my brain; you haunt its hallways like a spirit in need of exorcism. There are so many ways in which I said goodbye to you, and yet so many more in which I have never been able to.
I’m still a little more than embarrassed about how hard I tried to hang on. I’ve never been one who is good with goodbyes; I hadn’t had any intention of saying goodbye to you so soon, so abruptly. There were more tears than I care to recount, and more than one late night, half-arguing the future that we may or may not have had together. But it was that day, that Easter Sunday in front of your house that sealed the deal.
The worst of it is, for me, that I said goodbye to so much more than just you, just our relationship. I said goodbye to what little part of me there was that had allowed me to open up to you and to trust you and to trust myself. I said goodbye to an optimistic part of me that I hadn’t even known was there until it was too late. I said goodbye to an entire imagined future (albeit imagined prematurely) that I had secretly built out of the gossamer threads of my hope.
Goodbyes, they have been so overrated these days, sigh..
On a lighter note, me iz working tmr (: Damn excited please
Labels: blockquote, tuesday
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